The Words shared by A Father That Rescued Me during my time as a New Father

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for a year."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the challenges of becoming a dad.

However the truth rapidly became "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Serious health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her main carer as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every change… each outing. The role of both parents," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The direct words "You are not in a good place. You require support. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and start recovering.

His experience is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now more accustomed to discussing the pressure on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges dads encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a larger reluctance to talk amongst men, who still absorb negative perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and remains standing every time."

"It's not a sign of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably in front of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a pause - spending a couple of days abroad, outside of the family home, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotion and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "terrible actions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, tell a trusted person, your partner or a counsellor what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the pursuits that helped you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the body - nutritious food, staying active and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your mind is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the challenges, along with the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the stability and nurturing he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their issues, altered how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."